God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I looked at my own cervix.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
