He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
