I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
