Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am full of burrito and curiosity
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
