He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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