I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
