I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
