His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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