You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
