i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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