i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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