your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
