sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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