um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
