If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
