wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
