I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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