So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
