I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
