at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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