your parents love me but you hate me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
