You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
