Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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