Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
