i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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