I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
