Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
