remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
