eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
