the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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