You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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