I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
