i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
