I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I will pee on everything he values.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
