I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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