Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
