Can i not drive my cunt home
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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