If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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