the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
