Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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