you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
