It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
