Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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