I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
