he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
