I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
