ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
