Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
