Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
