How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i love accidental penises.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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