I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
