Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
