so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
