Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
