When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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