Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
